Some may say its ridiculous I have a tri coach for a sprint triathlon. Let me explain. My tri coach, Diane, is a family friend, who initially encouraged me to sign up for this Hawaii triathlon, and now perhaps finds it her responsibility to make sure I don’t drown or collapse midway through the race. Diane has wisely informed me I need to practice open-water swimming, before the triathlon.
Diane is very adamant I get used to swimming in open water, which can be disorienting. I agree. As a result, I have booked a trip to Florida next weekend, to practice open-water swimming (read: lie on beach). Yesterday, shark week had a special on “Top 10 deadliest waters”. Guess which location was #1, in the WORLD, for unprovoked shark attacks? That would be Florida. I can see now how my training is going to go:
I arrive at beach. I stare at ocean. I very, very cautiously tip-toe into the ocean. I get up to my waist. I think I see something move in water. I run out. I spend 10 minutes talking myself out of this irrational fear. I go back into the water. I see a fin. I scream and run. It was just seaweed. I spend another 10 minutes calming myself down. I get back in the water. I begin swimming. Swimming will entail 2 strokes, a quick 360 survey of my surroundings, then 2 more strokes, etc. 5 minutes later, I will be absolutely exhausted. I will continue for 5 more minutes, realize I have swam at a complete diagonal and am now almost back at shore. Figuring I’m already here, I might as well get out and check on my stuff (my stuff will consist of a beach towel, water and a book). While I am checking on my book, I will sit down for a bit to catch my breath. While catching my breath, I will lie down, and start reading. I will then fall asleep. I will then call it a day and go home. When you give a mouse a cookie….
Funny things my tri coach has said to me
-Don’t ride a bike in shorts! You will definitely chafe.
Diane: “You can’t have anyone hand you equipment. You need to learn how to transition and you will be doing it solo”
Me: “Really? I thought, people’s….moms hand them equipment and give them a kiss before they begin the next leg of the race.”
-You have a lot to learn in the next couple months…
-Tracey! No, you can’t do that!
On Tuesday evening, I was very excited. I was gearing up to drive over to my friend’s place to watch SHARK WEEK! I walk over to my car. I get in my car. I put the key in the ignition (is this detailed enough for y’all?), and bud-a-bing- bud-a-boom, nothin’. Not a sound could be heard. Not a sputter, not a kick-start, nothin’. My car wasn’t even trying! The battery was just dead as could be. My very good friend, Ross, came over to help me jump start my car. Problem solved! Or so I thought…
Ross looks at my corroded, paint peeling, leaf-encrusted battery, and gently encourages me to buy a new battery. Sneaking a peek over his shoulder, I concur.
On Thursday, I arrange a lunch-time trip to Autozone, for a brand spankin’ new battery. I walk over to my car. I get in my car. I put the key in the ignition, and bud-a-bing- bud-a-boom, nothin’. Bummer. I call my newly upgraded BEST FRIEND, Ross, over again. We re- jump start my car. I go to Autozone. I buy a battery. I get it installed. I re-program my radio. This brings me to my main point of the entire paragraph: anti-theft devices. When your car is stolen, something crazy happens and your radio shuts down. You have to punch in a simple code to re-gain access to your car radio. I have two things to say about this:
- Car thieves will probably be okay without the car radio. In fact, they likely have some bling bling, bumpin’ stereo system they were planning to pimp yo ride with, anyway. Yo.
- This is very annoying for the law-abiding car owner, whose battery has died. I may have driven around for 6 weeks the last time my battery died, without a radio, before I was so irritated I took it into a Honda dealership to get said code.
Anyway, if you need your car jump started, do call me. I am now an expert! And, I have jumper cables (thanks, Dad).