One of my favorite things about coming home to Dallas is going to boxing class. I have many a time taken a taxi straight from the airport (as I travel M-Th, for work) to boxing class, changing in the cab. I would like to say I simply enjoy getting in a tough workout, after a week of work. But lez be honest here… I like to rid myself of pent up feelings by hitting the shit out of boxing bags. It feels…so…good.
In the slightly-less-than-two years I have been attending these Thursday night/Saturday morning boxing classes, I have made drinking buddies, running comrades, and triathlon partners in crime.
And a lesbian compatriot. Or, so my delusions led me to believe.
Our boxing instructors (shout-out to Claude and Melissa!!) put us in teams of 3-4. Last week, I was in a team with a woman, let’s call her “Woman”.Woman was very bubbly and friendly, but not in an over-the-top way. Just in that normal, toss-your-hair-over-your-shoulder way straight girls have about them.
Halfway through the class, Woman looks outside, sees my bike, and asks if I biked to class. I replied “Yes, I did! Did you?!”, as a few weeks prior, we were in the same group and after seeing my bike then, she mentioned having the desire to ride her bike to class, too.
She responds that she did not bike to class, because she has a softball game, directly after. Softball, guys. That is so gay. And, she kind of artfully slipped it into conversation. Sort of a lesbian feeler move, right? But, wait, there’s more!
The ensuing conversation went a bit like this:
T: “Oh! Softball, that sounds fun!”
W: “Yes, it is SO fun. A really good time, and everyone is super cool.”
(a pause ensues that obviously means she wants to ask me if I would be interesting in joining her softball team).
T: “Nice! I kind of used to play softball; let me know if you ever need a sub!”
K: “Oh, yes! Definitely! A lot of people on our team are nurses, and can’t make games when our shifts change. This is great, I will get your number after class. Yaaaay” (Okay, maybe I made up the Yaaay).
Guys, let’s break here to examine the facts:
- Woman goes to boxing class.
- Woman touches my arm when she talks to me (gay or friendly?)
- Woman is in a softball league. This is really the clincher. I thought she was probably being friendly, until this happened…at which point, I turn “friendly” into “flirting”, in my mind.
Today, Woman texted me. Upon opening the text, I immediately saw a red flag. She began the text with “Hey girl”. Classic straight girl shit, right there. A lezbro (read: a fellow gay girl who is a platonic friend) would typically say something closer to “Yo holmes”, “Hey dude”, or “Bahh, a straight girl just broke my heart”. A gay boy would perhaps say “Hey girl, hey”, but no gay girl would greet you with a “Hey girl”.
Strike 2 is a big one, and I will go ahead and count it as Strike 3, as well.
Woman texted me to sub for her, at today’s softball game. For her. Because she is out-of-town. So now, I am about to head to a softball game, in which she will not be present. All the “friendliness/flirting” I perceived, was to find herself a sub!!! Classic.
Nonetheless, I am going to go to this softball game, and damn it, there better be a lesbian on second base.
PS. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if this girl one day becomes my facebook friend, and finds this blog! If that happens…um….I was just kidding about all of the above…obviously.