2013: The Year of Progress

The new year has officially kicked off, with me eating chocolate in my underwear, at 7AM. Not a super shocking turn of events, considering how last night went down.

Here are some texts from last night:

Arielle: “Dallas. 7 min.
Me: “Texas?”
Arielle: “How soon you forget”
Me: “Sorry, I thought you were the lesbian Ariel”
Arielle: “….?”
Me: “What are you doing?”
K: “Walking to hell”
Me: “Is it warm there?”
K: “Yes”
Me: “Win.”
K: “Happy New Year!!!! What are you doing tonight?!?!”
Me: “Lesbians”

Here are some things that happened last night:

I thought I was going to a chill house party, where we were going to drink some champagne and watch a movie. I brought chili. 10 minutes later, I was on a bike, going to meet the lesbians at a BAR. Over the last few days, I probably said the following statement 1o times:

“I’m definitely not going to a bar on New Years. It’s so overrated. Definitely just going to a house party and not waking up hungover.”

The house party scene goes a little something like this:

(5 minutes into my arrival): “Hey! I  heard you are new to town. Up for a raging lesbian bar?”


And here’s what happened at the bar:

Line for women’s bathroom was way too long. I went to the men’s. Only urinals. I attempted to pee like a man. Turns out that is not the way to do it. Luckily my pants dried enough to not mess up my oh-so-suave game.

I pocket random pieces of chocolate all night. I find them intermittently throughout the evening, and without fail, think it is magic each time I pull a Reese’s out of my pocket.

Get a midnight kiss. By someone who is later pegged “emotionally unavailable”. But, at least she is not straight…so, YAY 2013 progress!

With that said, I raise a toast to 2013. To the year of emotionally unavailable, albeit gay women. To the year of progress. To the year of my first San Fran-versary.

Hear ye, hear ye, I toast to thee!


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