Dinah Shores. The biggest lesbian party in the world. In Palm Springs, CA. How could I not go? After convincing 2 friends to join (easiest sell ever), plus 2 more who jumped on the bandwagon, the 5 of us head to Palm Springs! At 4 am. Best idea ever.
After checking into our hotel, Jesse gives us all our welcome gift of one lighter each, because “it’s the best way to win the ladies”. I didn’t really understand that, but I picked the pink lighter and then we down a few te-kill-ya shots (at 11 in the morning), and head to the pool party. With 20,000 other ladies. And Cosmopolitan magazine.
Before even stepping into the pool area, a woman comes up and asks “Do y’all have a lighter?”. In unison, the 5 of us say “I do!” An hour later, another woman asks us for a light, and wam bam, we already made 3 new friends. Jesse, for the win.
Once we had enough fun in the sun, we head home, order pizza and chocolate lava cake and proceed to FaceTime Steph 19 times, while she is at Passover Seder #betterJewthanme.
She answers not once. But then she sneaks off to the bathroom and we tell Steph repeatedly how much we love her. Steph, WE LOVE YOU.
I make us all take rotating shower shifts, without turning off the shower, to be most efficient. We then have a Backstreet Boys dance party in front of the mirror, and make it to the evening party just in time to listen to Christina Perri (and slit our wrists). The real dj eventually begins his set and I dance my face off for the rest of the evening. Meanwhile, Michelle, Alix, Jesse, and Emily have gone home. Via a 4 block uber ride.
A bit before 2 am, I decide I’m done dancing and run home to meet the others. Literally, I ran. I missed them that much. I arrive to see the girls lying on the floor listening to the same Kygo song on loop for the last 2 hours. I put on my rave glove and perform a light show, even though one glove short-circuited and I had to improvise with glow sticks.
We rinse and repeat for Day 2 of Dinah, where Katrina and I have a chicken fight, and things get dirrrrty:
Later that evening, as we’re getting ready for the Black Party, Jesse arrives home and tells us the hilarious encounter she just had. It went a little something like this:
(Whilst walking home, Jesse approaches a group of women dressed in black who she gets a gay vibe from and who also happen to be black)
Jesse: “Are you all going to the black party?”
(they just stare at her)
Jesse: “Oh no no I mean you’re wearing black clothes…so are you going to the party for people who are wearing black clothes?”
(they continue staring)
Jesse: “Okkkay byeeeee”
Jesse recovers from the incident, we all get a good laugh, we take some whip cream shots, and head to the Black Party. Within 2 hours, we’re all sleep dancing, so we promptly go home (except for Jesse…) I see a tempting text from a Dinah girl for a midnight swim, immediately think “oh no, that involves getting up, which I simply cannot do”, and go to sleep. Aka I go to bed, where my mind tortures me with the inability to sleep.
And then THE MOST EXCITING PART OF DINAH HAPPENS. While at Redondo beach (30 minutes from Long Beach airport, where we are departing from), we receive notification our 8pm flight is delayed 2 hours. TWO HOURS! I was tryna get home to my wife and cat.
We get JetBlue on the phone, speak to a very nice representative, Brad, who offers to book us on the 5:05 flight. Current time: 4pm. Just as the others waiver over the possibility of making it to the airport in time, I immediately make us all run to the car, and proceed to cut the 30 minute trip down to 20. As I’m driving, Brad books us on the 5pm flight. Then the group decides we’re not going to make it, and we ask Brad to switch us to the 8:49pm flight. 20 minutes later, Brad is in the final stage of completing the 2nd flight switch for the 5 of us when I tell Jesse to book me on the 5pm, I can make it! TSA pre-check! Wife and cat!
She straight up laughs at me. Then sighs, groans and says “Brad…so…I just have a scenario. If one of us is at the airport now, would you be able to get her on the 5pm flight?”
Brad advises us to go to the check-in counter to ask for standby. I run to desk, explain the situation, and ask if I can run onto the plane “I run fast, I promise!” Current time: 22 minutes before 5:05. The rep calls the gate agent, and then starts shaking her head. I try to summon tears, but I just can’t quite get them out. She hangs up the phone with an apology and books me on the 8:49pm flight. 😦 😦
The girls scoop me up from the airport, we all enjoy a delicious Mexican meal, and spend some quality time at the airport before boarding out 8:49 flight at 9:10pm, whilst the ticket agents swear our departure is on time. Why must you lie to us, JetBlue?
I then discover my seat doesn’t recline, steal someone else’s seat, then guiltily confess to the flight attendant, who I think is the passenger of the seat I stole but is clearly a flight attendant.
Annnd, it’s a wrap…Dinah Shores 2015: Done, and done. Couldn’t have asked for a more fun weekend with my favorite people!
Next step: Arrive home at 11pm. Pack and fly to Ireland at 5pm, where I will stay for the next 3 months, on a work rotation. Goodbye San Francisco, Top of the Mornin to Ya, Dublin!