A couple of months ago, my friend recruited me to play in a lesbian soccer tournament. My first thought was “YES” (lesbian), my second thought was “NO” (soccer). Lez be real, I have never played soccer a day in my life and my eye foot coordination leaves much to be desired.
Once I found out the only rule of the lesbian soccer tournament is that you must have a drink in hand while on the soccer field, I decided this is the type of soccer tournament I could get on board with.
1 million jello shots and A GOAL (I scored a goal, y’all!!!) later, I fell in love with the game I had denounced for the past 27 years. I joined Team Trouble, of the Golden Gate Women’s soccer league, and this is what happened within my first hour of playing:
-pulled my quad muscle
-got really dehydrated (no water breaks?! really?)
-did not score a goal
This is what happened within my second hour of playing:
Hanging up those beautiful cleats…they are only asking for TROUBLE.